The Measure Of My Mother
As a daughter, there were always three sure things in my life. Death, taxes and the deep, passionate love my parents have always had for each other. So it seems fitting that every year my parents’ May 11th wedding anniversary occurs near Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Because from my perspective, they are who they are as individuals and parents, then and now, because of their love, their commitment, their devotion to, and their bond with each other, first and foremost. Although their marriage has not always been easy, their love transcended all circumstances and has always been the solid foundation of our family dynamic. But this year, my mother…
Make Every Holiday Moment Count
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.” ― Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities If this sounds like Pandemic Holiday Season 2020 (or all of 2020,) I could not agree more! But it also reminds me so much of Husband Dying of Cancer Holiday Season 2013. As I wrote shortly after this crisis started, there are…
How do you want to show up for your future self?
This has been an unprecedented and overwhelming year. Even as we move into winter, Covid is not letting up. Our lives have been compromised by the significant consequences of this pandemic and we all feel the cumulative and collective stress and worry. We’ve figured out various ways to cope this year, and with good reason to do so; if a pandemic doesn’t give us license to do whatever we have to do to keep our chin above water to get through this, then nothing does! Consider what habits you have leaned into this year as a survival mechanism. Are you overeating? Drinking too much or too often? Not exercising enough…
A Tale of Two Widows
The other day I was scrolling Facebook when I came across a post that knocked the breath out of me. My neighbor Amy had unexpectedly lost her husband a few days previously. I was in shock and disbelief. It’s one of those things that you hear about and can’t believe it; that your brain struggles to make sense of before eventually giving up because it simply cannot process how this could ever happen. I met Amy at a neighborhood get together shortly after we moved into the neighborhood. She and I hit it off. She immediately and warmly reached out to me repeatedly, making me feel so included, something I…
The Hug
Today is the 6th anniversary of the day my late husband Dan’s life was taken by prostate cancer. He has now been gone longer than we were married. I knew this day was coming as time relentlessly marches on, but it doesn’t sit well with me. ❤️ We had to go through so much to be together and when we were together we went through so much. It was worth everything. ❤️ Our last full-on hug, like this hug, was in the ICU with Dan’s kids standing on either side of him to support him so we could put our arms around each other. I am so grateful for that…
Epic Eric
Last week my husband Eric shot a 69 at the Texas Rangers Golf Club. It had been many years since he broke 70, and never in the time that I have known him. If you aren’t familiar with golf, just know this is a rare score for most amateur golfers, even for those as skilled as Eric. Although his personal best is a 66, this score is . . . Epic! This is to be celebrated! But knowing him, I can count on one hand the number of people he shared it with, including me. He is not on social media and I’m not sure he would tell anyone at…
Every Year I Forget My Own Anniversary
Dan and I were married on March 4, 2008. The ceremony was performed in a limousine driving up and down the Las Vegas Strip (yes, it all happened seated inside the limo.) Nick and Amanda, Dan’s adult children, were the only guests. It was absolutely perfect!! But since I lost Dan, I have never remembered, on March 4, that my wedding anniversary is on March 4. The only exception is during that first year of grieving, where I went out to dinner with a friend that evening, and in a lovely surprise gesture, another friend called up the restaurant and paid for it. It is a good memory, my friends…
The European Family Vacation Survival Guide
In 2004, I traveled to Denmark, England and Ireland with my sister, mother and grandmother to visit various relatives on both sides of the family. I envisioned it as a way of reconnecting with our European family and discovering our Danish roots — 3-1/2 weeks of hanging out, catching up and having lots of fun. It wasn’t. Instead, what I hadn’t realized was this: Now that I am an adult, this no longer qualified as a family vacation, because a family vacation is not really a vacation unless you are under the age of 18. Consider using the following tips and reminders for your next family vacation — they just…
Dan’s Last Texts
I do not understand how it’s been five years since Dan died. My first thought is that somehow, I don’t know how, I have managed to survive for five years without him. After that, I think, I don’t know how I got through the pain, but I did because I am here. Then I realize that not only did I survive, I have thrived. Yes, I have suffered terrible sadness and loneliness and unbearable grief, but I have also been very happy, and deeply loved, and unconditionally supported by so many wonderful people. But even five years later, I still can’t make sense of the dichotomy of these circumstances. I…
The Most Stressful Time Of The Year
The fact is, the holidays are very stressful. Even if you don’t manifest your stress in illness, like I apparently do, it can be an overwhelming time for so many of us. It never hurts any of us to minimize stress regardless. Here’s my plan, it’s not too late to join me!
