Make Every Holiday Moment Count
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.” ― Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities If this sounds like Pandemic Holiday Season 2020 (or all of 2020,) I could not agree more! But it also reminds me so much of Husband Dying of Cancer Holiday Season 2013. As I wrote shortly after this crisis started, there are…
A Tale of Two Widows
The other day I was scrolling Facebook when I came across a post that knocked the breath out of me. My neighbor Amy had unexpectedly lost her husband a few days previously. I was in shock and disbelief. It’s one of those things that you hear about and can’t believe it; that your brain struggles to make sense of before eventually giving up because it simply cannot process how this could ever happen. I met Amy at a neighborhood get together shortly after we moved into the neighborhood. She and I hit it off. She immediately and warmly reached out to me repeatedly, making me feel so included, something I…
The Hug
Today is the 6th anniversary of the day my late husband Dan’s life was taken by prostate cancer. He has now been gone longer than we were married. I knew this day was coming as time relentlessly marches on, but it doesn’t sit well with me. ❤️ We had to go through so much to be together and when we were together we went through so much. It was worth everything. ❤️ Our last full-on hug, like this hug, was in the ICU with Dan’s kids standing on either side of him to support him so we could put our arms around each other. I am so grateful for that…
Contemplating What Could Have Been
Because yesterday was my parents 47th wedding anniversary and today is Mother’s Day, this weekend would be celebratory regardless. But this year in particular it is truly something to appreciate. My mother—my healthy, vibrant, active, vegetarian, teetotaling, slender, yoga-teaching, meditating, dear mother—had a heart attack five weeks ago. When my father Skyped me at 10:30pm EST, I knew something was wrong. He informed me that my mother was in the hospital and they were testing her for possible cardiac issues based on the initial EKG readings. Both of my parents were convinced it was a severe case of gastro-intestinal distress. But after several days of feeling terrible with what she…
Epic Eric
Last week my husband Eric shot a 69 at the Texas Rangers Golf Club. It had been many years since he broke 70, and never in the time that I have known him. If you aren’t familiar with golf, just know this is a rare score for most amateur golfers, even for those as skilled as Eric. Although his personal best is a 66, this score is . . . Epic! This is to be celebrated! But knowing him, I can count on one hand the number of people he shared it with, including me. He is not on social media and I’m not sure he would tell anyone at…
Every Year I Forget My Own Anniversary
Dan and I were married on March 4, 2008. The ceremony was performed in a limousine driving up and down the Las Vegas Strip (yes, it all happened seated inside the limo.) Nick and Amanda, Dan’s adult children, were the only guests. It was absolutely perfect!! But since I lost Dan, I have never remembered, on March 4, that my wedding anniversary is on March 4. The only exception is during that first year of grieving, where I went out to dinner with a friend that evening, and in a lovely surprise gesture, another friend called up the restaurant and paid for it. It is a good memory, my friends…
Dan’s Last Texts
I do not understand how it’s been five years since Dan died. My first thought is that somehow, I don’t know how, I have managed to survive for five years without him. After that, I think, I don’t know how I got through the pain, but I did because I am here. Then I realize that not only did I survive, I have thrived. Yes, I have suffered terrible sadness and loneliness and unbearable grief, but I have also been very happy, and deeply loved, and unconditionally supported by so many wonderful people. But even five years later, I still can’t make sense of the dichotomy of these circumstances. I…
Moving Forward, Not Moving On
“Are you ready to taste wine?” asked Bill Frick, owner of Frick Winery. Frick Winery is a boutique winery in Dry Creek Valley, near Sonoma, California, and my favorite winery. I had insisted we visit it on our one day wine-tasting trip back in March. “Yes!” the four of us chorused. He placed three tasting glasses on the counter, and then he said, “I have a special glass for Pritam.” He placed another glass on the counter. I glanced at it, and noticed a telltale small black bag from Edmonds’ Comstock Jewelers inside of it. In an instant, I knew what was about to happen and I started freaking out.…
A Simple Thank You
Has this ever happened to you? You: Oh I love your dress, it looks so good on you! Them: It’s just this old thing I haven’t worn in years Or this: You: Your hair looks great today! Them: Well I really need to get a haircut Or in my case: Me: That workout outfit is so flattering! Client: Ugh I hate my belly I’ve been noticing this type of thing a lot lately. And I don’t like it! It seems to be widespread, the way that we can so easily deflect a compliment, or downgrade a positive comment directed toward us by responding with a negative. Why do we have…
Dan’s Divot Tool
There’s this tool used in golf called a divot tool. You carry it in your pocket. When your ball lands on the green, it will often leave an indentation called a ball mark in the carefully groomed grass of the green. It’s good golf etiquette to find and fix your ball mark as soon as you reach the green. My ball hardly ever lands on the green so I don’t fix many divots. But the first thing I put in my pocket when I go golfing is a well-used, scuffed, burnished divot tool. You see, it belonged to my late husband, Dan Potts, and he loved that thing (and he…
